More Chandlerisms

Yet another installment of my dad's quips, smart remarks and somewhere in the midst...life lessons.

You don't get extra for killing yourself

Either you can do it or you can't  (Dad's thoughts on the use of a mechanic)

Smoked a .45 (referring to someone who'd committed suicide via firearm)

All you fruits, nuts and boleweavels get the hell out.

Lock 'em up...these aren't the nice kiddies of Kettering.

Looked like Nita Naldy moments before her death.

I feel/you look like the picture of Dorian Gray (how he felt on a hot sweaty day or if someone's makeup was running/sweating off)

Quit Robert Younging me (when someone would press against his arm to make a point during conversation)

If I had my own circus it'd be all pitches with acts to stall and I'd call it "Pitch Bros. Circus."

What do you need two for? One to s#*t on and one to cover it up with? (when someone would unnecessarily buy two of something)

One drink and I can feel it, two drinks and anyone can feel it.

One cold shower and the whole world knows.

Who shot John? (could mean, 'what's going on?' or in place of 'etc...')

What’s your buzz? (what's your problem)

New Jersey’s nice this time of year. (what he'd say to someone he'd rather not be talking to/dealing with)

Like a moose needs a hat-rack.

Like giving a monkey and open straight razor.

Where did the ducks go? (referring to time going by fast)

Not exactly burnt up with energy.

Tonight’s film features are… (usually there were two film features a night, a western and a comedy.)